"Do you know how hard it is to find a really good carpenter? Besides, I think he's got a brother who's a plumber!"
"Really? A brother who's a plumber?"
"I think so."
"Do you think I should sleep with him?"
"Maybe just this once."
"Hi! We're having a little trouble with our pipes, and I was - uh, Fielding, Walter Fielding... Well, there's no reason why should have heard of me... no, that's not a Jewish name... how much do I make a year? Well, how much do you make a year? Really!... Yale, I went to Yale…!"
"You know what this is? This is the short line in Motor Vehicles."
"Yeah! You go to Motor Vehicles to get your license renewed, and you get on this line that reaches to Spain, and right next to it is this little short line with only two guys on it, but you don't get on that line, 'cause you think something must be "wrong" with it - otherwise everyone else would be on it - so you waste three hours!"
"I got on the short line once. It was for farm vehicles."
"If he ever does come back, you call me and we'll finish the job."
"When I do get the permits, how long will the job take?"
"Two weeks? Two weeks?"
"You sound like a parakeet there. Two weeks! Two weeks!"
"Well, two weeks. It- it's amazing."
"Amazing nothing. It'll be a regular miracle."
"Oh, Anna, thank God it's you! Thank God!"
"Thank God you're here, honey!"
"Is that you?"
"Is it me? I'm speaking so loud I'm hallucinating! For a while, I thought the Care Bears were here!"
"Farm animals or geese or chickens..."
"Are you alright?"
"No, I'm not alright."
"Where are you?"
"I'm in the den!"
"No you're not, I was just in there..."
"I'm in the den! I swear it! Please believe me!"
"Will you stop fooling around, Walter? I'm tired!"
"I'm right here."
"Look, Walter, enough is enough!"
"I'M RIGHT HERE!"
"In the floor behind the chair. ...Laughing, huh? We're laughing."
"Look, I'm very sorry I wasn't here this afternoon. What can I say? My wife was poisoned and taken to the hospital... Well, what would cut any ice with you?... A bribe? Sure, can you be here in a half an hour? All right. Cash, no problem."
"Just because they showed up to collect the money, is no guarantee that they'll show up to do the work... and if they do... I can't pay for it!
"Here lies Walter Fielding. He bought a house, and it killed him."