"Everybody in this family hates me!"
"Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family."
"I don't want another family. I don't want any family. Families suck!"
"Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night."
"I don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't want to see anybody else either."
"I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family."
"No, I wouldn't."
"Then say it again. Maybe it will happen."
"I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!"
"Did I turn off the coffee?"
"No... I did."
"Did you lock up?"
"Did we set the timers on the lights?"
"Did you close the garage?"
"That's it. I forgot to close the garage. That's it. ...No, that's not it."
"Well what else could we be forgetting? ...KEVIN!"
"I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including in between my toes and in my belly button which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape."
"This is *Christmas*. The season of perpetual hope. And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son."
"Where's your mom?"
"In the car."
"Where's your father?"
"He's at work."
"What about your brothers and sisters?"
"I'm an only child."
"Where do you live?"
"I can't tell you that."
"Because you're a stranger."
"Kids are scared of the dark."
"You're afraid of the dark, too, Marv."
"This is my house, I have to defend it."
"This is it! Don't get scared now!"
"....you guys give up yet? Or are you thirsty for more?"
"Why the hell did you take your shoes off?"
"Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?"